NO SMOKING in bars or restaurants, airplanes or trains. And forget about the office – what do you think this is, doll, “Mad Men”?

So what’s a law-abiding nicotine addict to do?

Turns out, there are ways to get that nic fix that don’t involve lighting up. Lindsay Lohan is apparently a big fan of one of the newest methods, a “dissolvable tobacco” pill called Ariva, made of powdered chewing tobacco. While such things might once have been the province of athletes and cowboys, it seems the new face of chew is pretty, young and even female.

None of these cigarette alternatives are safe – although they do have fewer toxins than regular smokes. The best alternative, of course, is not to be addicted to nicotine in the first place, but for most of us, that ship has sailed. Read on for the hippest in smokeless pleasure.

American snus

Snus is chewing tobacco packaged in neat little teabags. Inspired by the popularity of Swedish snus in Europe, both Camel and Marlboro are rolling out their own snus products. Marlboro’s hasn’t been released in NYC yet, but refrigerated dispensers full of Camel snus are appearing on bodega counters across the city.

Camel snus is less flavorful than the Swedish variety. R.J. Reynolds spokesman David Howard says this was done to make it “more palatable to the US tobacco consumer.”

Camel snus also comes in flavors such as “frost” and “spice,” presumably to satisfy the American sweet tooth.

According to Howard, snus is perfect for “times and places that you wouldn’t be allowed to smoke.” With some Manhattan apartment buildings starting to ban smoking, those “times and places” are beginning to feel like all the time, every place.

Crown 7

Perhaps the most space-age cigarette replacement out there, this $80 battery-operated tube works by vaporizing nicotine-laced water. The “smoker” draws in the water vapor and blows out a steam plume that may look like smoke but is just mist. About seven “puffs” on the device gives you the nicotine equivalent of one cigarette.

It’s not certain how local bars and restaurants will take to the Crown 7 if it catches on in NYC, but there’s no law against boiling water indoors, which is essentially what the device does. There is also no fire involved and no toxic smoke.

“It’s the perfect product for office workers,” says Crown 7 CEO Ron MacDonald. “Especially in Manhattan, when you work on a top floor and don’t want to spend all that time going down to smoke. With Crown 7, you get that nicotine fix, and you’re good to go.”

Snuff

Snuff has been around for at least 400 years. But unlike the ornate cases once used by Old World aristocrats, modern snuff is sold in discreet plastic containers. Some have a little snorting spoon built in, but most users simply tap the finely ground tobacco out onto their hand, block one nostril, and snort it up the other. Yes, it burns like hell.

“Nasal snuff gives you a much bigger rush than a cigarette or chewing tobacco,” says Paul Basmajian, 27. “I grew up in Utah, and we used to call it cowboy cocaine.”

The similarity to cocaine is not lost on bartenders or bouncers, and Basmajian says he has spent many a night explaining to bar staff that snuff is perfectly legal.

Traditional European snuff is made by mixing tobacco and water, then scenting it with various oils. Jasmine and sandalwood are popular “flavors,” though most of the snuff sold at SoHo smoke shop Cigarillos contains menthol and eucalyptus oils to give it a minty smell. But since snuff containers don’t list the ingredients, it’s impossible to know just what you are snorting.

Cigarillos manager Rony Saliba says almost all of his customers who buy the $5 containers of snuff are European. One young woman even buys it in bulk to mail to her father in France, where snuff is more expensive.

Swedish snus

There is a reason Sweden has the lowest smoking rate in Europe, and that reason is snus. The little packets are placed between the gum and the cheek, and the user receives a heady dose of nicotine.

“It’s a lot more civilized than smoking,” says Paul Magyar, 29, who recently stopped into Cigarillos to buy his weekly can of Swedish snus. “With snus, you don’t have to interrupt your evening by going out for a cigarette.”

Magyar says he likes the fact that snus costs only $5 a can, and it doesn’t leave his clothes smelling like smoke.

Unlike American chewing tobacco, which every kid is taught can cause nasty oral tumors, Swedish snus is pasteurized rather than fermented, greatly reducing its tendency to cause mouth cancer.

The plastic cans even come with a little compartment on top for storing the used snus packets until you can find a trash can. When was the last time you saw a pack of cigarettes with a built-in ashtray?

Ariva

Unlike Nicorette and other synthetic products, little Ariva pills are made of real powdered tobacco. Dubbed “smokeless satisfaction” by manufacturer Star Scientific, Ariva comes in wintergreen and java flavors. The java does indeed taste like coffee, and each pill contains about as much nicotine as a cigarette.

LiLo seems to prefer the wintergreen flavor, as she’s been frequently photographed gripping the green Ariva box. Both her publicist and Star Scientific spokeswoman Sara Troy Machir deny rumors Lohan is paid to carry the product. Machir also says the company is not trying to appeal to the actress’ legions of young fans.

“We have no interest in recruiting another generation of tobacco users,” Machir says. “We’re focused on adult tobacco users.”

Star Scientific also makes a similar tobacco pill called Stonewall, which packs a stronger nicotine punch. At Cigarillos in SoHo, a box of 20 Stonewall pills sells for only $3, a virtual steal compared to the price of cigarettes.

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